meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
