i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize