I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
