Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
