This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
