You really coming over, don't trick.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
