whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
