he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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