Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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