Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
