My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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