before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
