are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
