halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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