Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
