OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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