college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
