i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
