instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
