when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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