Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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