take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
