24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
