I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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