I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize