guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All the doctor said was why
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
