There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
