sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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