Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize