Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
