Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize