Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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