I need help removing her.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
