Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
