After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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