My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
