Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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