I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize