A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
