Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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