The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
