Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
