is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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