I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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