and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
