any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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