Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
