I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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