So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
