then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize