My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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