i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
did i just pee glitter
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
