what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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