Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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