She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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