What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
