Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize