bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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