I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
