White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
