Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
