saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize