Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
