Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
