Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
