I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
