Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
