I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
