i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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