I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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