I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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