I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
