I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
