I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
