somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
