We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
