i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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