Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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