After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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