the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
