I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
