We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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