why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
