I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
