A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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