i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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