I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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