Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
