In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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